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The standard disciplinary techniques that are recommended for “typical” teenagers do not take into account the many issues facing a child with a neurological disorder. Violent rages, self-injury, isolation-seeking tendencies, and communication problems that arise due to auditory and sensory issues are just some of the behaviors that parents of teens with ASD will have to learn to control.
Parents need to establish a consistent disciplinary plan in advance and present a united front, continually reviewing their strategies for potential changes and improvements as the ASD teen develops and matures.
Parents need to establish a consistent disciplinary plan in advance and present a united front, continually reviewing their strategies for potential changes and improvements as the ASD teen develops and matures.
ASD teens possess a unique set of attitudes and behaviors:
Social Skills— Social conventions are a confusing maze for teens on the autism spectrum. They can be disarmingly concise and to the point, and may take jokes and exaggerations literally. Because they struggle to interpret figures of speech and tones of voice that “neurotypicals” naturally pick up on, they may have difficulty engaging in a two-way conversation. As a result, they may end up fixating on their own interests and ignoring the interests and opinions of others.
Sensory Difficulties—Teens on the autism spectrum can be extremely sensitive to loud noises, strong smells, and bright lights. This can be a challenge in relationships, as these young people may be limited in their ability to progress, how well they can adapt to the environment, and how receptive they are to instruction from parents and teachers.
Routines and Fixations—Teens with ASD rely on routines to provide a sense of control and predictability in their lives. Another characteristic of the disorder is the development of special interests that are unusual in focus or intensity. These "special needs" teens may become so obsessed with their particular areas of interest that they get upset and angry when something or someone interrupts their schedule or activity.
Interpreting and Responding to Emotion— Teens with ASD often suffer from “mindblindness,” which means they have difficulty understanding the emotions others are trying to convey through facial expressions and body language. The problem isn’t that these teens can’t feel emotion, but that they have trouble expressing their own emotions and understanding the feelings of others. “Mindblindness” often gives parents the impression that a teenager is insensitive, selfish, and uncaring.
Awkwardness— Teens with ASD tend to be physically and socially awkward, which makes them a frequent target of school bullies. Low self-esteem caused by being rejected and outcast by peers often makes these teens even more susceptible to “acting-out” behaviors at home and school.
Social Skills— Social conventions are a confusing maze for teens on the autism spectrum. They can be disarmingly concise and to the point, and may take jokes and exaggerations literally. Because they struggle to interpret figures of speech and tones of voice that “neurotypicals” naturally pick up on, they may have difficulty engaging in a two-way conversation. As a result, they may end up fixating on their own interests and ignoring the interests and opinions of others.
Sensory Difficulties—Teens on the autism spectrum can be extremely sensitive to loud noises, strong smells, and bright lights. This can be a challenge in relationships, as these young people may be limited in their ability to progress, how well they can adapt to the environment, and how receptive they are to instruction from parents and teachers.
Routines and Fixations—Teens with ASD rely on routines to provide a sense of control and predictability in their lives. Another characteristic of the disorder is the development of special interests that are unusual in focus or intensity. These "special needs" teens may become so obsessed with their particular areas of interest that they get upset and angry when something or someone interrupts their schedule or activity.
Interpreting and Responding to Emotion— Teens with ASD often suffer from “mindblindness,” which means they have difficulty understanding the emotions others are trying to convey through facial expressions and body language. The problem isn’t that these teens can’t feel emotion, but that they have trouble expressing their own emotions and understanding the feelings of others. “Mindblindness” often gives parents the impression that a teenager is insensitive, selfish, and uncaring.
Awkwardness— Teens with ASD tend to be physically and socially awkward, which makes them a frequent target of school bullies. Low self-esteem caused by being rejected and outcast by peers often makes these teens even more susceptible to “acting-out” behaviors at home and school.
Due to the autism-related attitudes and behaviors listed above, many teens may also experience the following associated problems:
Depression and Acting Out—The teenage years are more emotional for everyone. Yet the hormonal changes of adolescence, coupled with the problems outlined above, might mean that the "special needs" teen becomes emotionally overwhelmed. Childish tantrums reappear. Boys often act out by physically attacking a teacher or peer. They may experience "meltdown" at home after another day filled with harassment, bullying, pressure to conform, and rejection. Suicide and drug addiction become real concerns, as the teen now has access to cars, drugs, and alcohol. The “saddest and most difficult time” can overwhelm not only the ASD teen, but also his family.
Inability to "Be a Teen"—A teenager on the spectrum typically does not care about fads and clothing styles (concerns that obsess all others in their peer group). These young people may neglect their hygiene and wear the same haircut for years. Boys often forget to shave; girls rarely comb their hair or follow fashion trends. Some remain stuck in grammar school clothes and hobbies such as unicorns and Legos, instead of moving into adolescent concerns like Facebook and dating. ASD boys often experience difficulties with motor coordination. This leaves them out of high school sports, typically an essential area of male bonding and friendship.
School Failures—Many teens on the spectrum - with their average to above average IQs - can sail through grammar school, and yet hit academic problems in middle and high school. They now have to deal with four to six teachers, instead of just one. The likelihood that at least one teacher will be indifferent or even hostile toward making special accommodations is certain. The teenage ASD student now faces a series of classroom environments with different classmates, odors, distractions, and varying noise levels, as well as different sets of expectations. Adolescents on the spectrum - with their distractibility and difficulty organizing materials - face similar academic problems as students with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder. A high school term paper or a science fair project becomes impossible to manage because no one has taught the teen how to break it up into a series of small steps. Even though the academic stress on a "special needs" teen can be overwhelming, school administrators may be reluctant to enroll him in special education at this late point in his educational career.
Social Isolation—In the teenage world, where everyone feels insecure, teens who appear different are voted off the island. ASD teens often have odd mannerisms. One "special needs" teen speaks in a loud, unmodulated voice, avoids eye contact, interrupts others, invades their personal space, and steers the conversation to her favorite unusual topic. Another appears willful, selfish, and aloof, mostly because he is unable to share his thoughts and feelings with others. Isolated and alone, many of these young people are too anxious to initiate social contact.
Many are stiff and rule-oriented, acting like little adults, which is a deadly trait in any teenage popularity contest. Friendship and all its nuances of reciprocity can be exhausting for a teenager on the spectrum, even though he wants it more than anything else. One teenager ended a close friendship with this note: "Your expectations exhaust me. The phone calls, the talks, all your feelings... It's just too much for me. I can't take it anymore."
As the years go by, are you seeing your special needs child rapidly becoming reduced
to a person who is surviving on: anger, being a mistake, depression, hate, isolation, low self-esteem, resentment, sadness, and self-hate.
Have you heard your teenager say things like, 'I'm a mistake'? I'm dumb. I'm useless. I hate myself. I wish I were dead. What is wrong with me? Why was I born? If so, then alarm bells should be going off. You know changes need to happen! Low self-esteem and behavioral problems go hand-in-hand!
About the Author-- Mark Hutten, M.A., is the executive director of Online Parent Support, LLC. He has been a parent coach with over 30 years of experience. He has worked with hundreds of children and teenagers with ASD, and presents workshops and runs training courses for parents and professionals who deal with children and teens on the autism spectrum. Also, Mark is a prolific author of articles and ebooks on the subject.
Contact Information--
Online Parent Support, LLC
Email: mbhutten@gmail.com
